|The boredom jar|
|Our cozy tent. |
(The ducks now live in the creek behind the yard)
So we spent a few hours at the cancer center this morning. We met the radiation oncologist for the first time today. She was about an hour late because of an "emergency". JaNae was worried about the kids so she went to call and check on them. The doctor, a nurse practitioner and a nurse came in while she was gone and asked me quite a few questions before JaNae made it back. They were mostly about our kids, their ages and about how we discovered the cancer and what had been done thus far. I did feel a little ganged up on by all three of them firing questions at me. All that was missing was a bright light shining in my eyes... Luckily JaNae came back and took the pressure off of me. They started asking her some of the same things over, I assume to see if I was lying to them but luckily I had remembered all of our kids names and ages.
I just want to make note here that I was not excited about the thought of radiation despite the upbeat conversations I have had with 2 radiation oncologists, I just have a fear of it. Drugs don't scare me. I think maybe it is because though I have spent years studying pharmacology, I have little understanding or knowledge of radiation (other than that a radioactive spider bit Peter Parker and that gama radiation created the Hulk)... and we all know that we fear the unknown. I had made some of my concerns known to JaNae, we talked about it and of course had heard horror stories of people who had undergone radiation. So with these fears and preconceived ideas, we met with the radiation oncologist...
The Doctor spent over an hour with us and talked about the radiation and the benefit it has on local recurrence rates. She talked of the risks and when I asked her if she'd be scared to have radiation, she responded that with this cancer, she'd be more scared to not have it. She talked about how she protects other organs from being in the radiation beam and how she cares for areas that get exposed. She reiterated the things I had already heard and addressed some of our concerns without us even having to ask about them...
I kept looking over to JaNae to see what she was thinking... because I had told her that I wasn't sure having radiation was a good idea. I looked at her while the doctor was talking and I had a feeling of calmness come over me in a manner that I have seldom felt... and I knew... JaNae needs to have the radiation therapy... and she will tolerate it well. I really wondered if she felt the same way and I worried that my earlier negative thoughts and feelings had influenced her. I was worried that she didn't feel the peace I was feeling as the doctor explained things to us... but she did. She felt the same feeling of peace and comfort. We know what we need to do and we know that chemotherapy and radiation will not be easy but we will have no regrets because we are doing all we can to fight this cancer...
I'm still not happy about using oxaliplatin but I can see that it is the right thing to do also. The doctors have been discussing the best way to treat her and I think they are going to do "sandwich therapy" meaning 3 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation and then 3 more months of chemo. This process will start on July 9th. We'll keep everyone posted of the progress.
Good night all.