Saturday, June 2, 2012

How do you be supportive?

I've noticed a lot of views on this blog, in fact we are up to almost 3500 page views.  Most of them are from family, friends or acquaintances though I suspect some have passed it on to people we don't really know.  I've really tried to portray us as we really are on here.  I have even had some posts vetoed because they were a little too raw.  (I've just been trying to say it as it is.)  My mood has been so heavy today after yesterday's news that I considered not even writing tonight.  I have been researching... thinking... researching more... and pondering over the changes that are coming to our lives.   (A little bit of medical knowledge can be a dangerous thing and reading about cancer is so very frightening). I keep asking myself how can I be supportive of JaNae as she goes through this?  What can I do to really make a difference and help her?

I know there are likely some of you asking the same questions whether about us or others going through hard times.  I know that every family has it's trials and we are not alone in facing difficult things... but sometimes we feel alone.  Everyone handles difficult situations in their own unique ways... our doctor told us that if we drink, it would be a good day for a martini (we don't).  Our son goes for a bike ride around the neighborhood every time he is overwhelmed with stress... JaNae's dad goes hiking in the desert.  I read a book read or read stuff online... or go to my man cave...  JaNae gets stress relief from sewing. When people I know had something really bad going on, it's been tempting to pull away and ignore it... just pretend the situation really isn't there.  I've done that myself at times...

I was talking with JaNae earlier today and she told me that in her wildest dreams she did not ever imagine that she'd be fighting cancer at age 35.  Honestly, neither did I.  I'm not sure that I know how to really be the support that she needs me to be, we've never faced anything this big or scary.  What exactly is a husband's job when something like this happens?

We are spiritual people with faith and a support system of family, friends and church.  We believe that there is a Father in Heaven who has a plan for us.  And that the purpose of this life is to have experiences that help us grow and develop spiritual attributes that prepare us to live with Him again.  JaNae actually told me that she feels bad that she has to go through this experience because it implies that she has things to learn.  I've said before that when it comes to being a good person, JaNae is 10 times the person that I am...  10 times better than me!  So part of me wonders if the reason she is going through  this is so I can learn how to be the support she needs me to be...  and here I am selfishly wondering if I'll ever get my wife back.  She's the best friend I have ever had and being married to her has made me a better man. As I contemplate these things I realize the answer. It is very plain. The old JaNae will not be coming back... ever. When all of this is done and over, I'll be left with someone even better. That's what I have to look forward to.  Thanks for your continued support and prayers. -Jeff


  1. Thank you so much for your blog! We are out of town & have your family in our thoughts & prayers often. Please add us to the list of people who are willing to help in any way possible.

  2. Jeff,
    You and JaNae are two of the most amazing people I know. I am so sorry that this trial has been placed before you. I do know, however, that thru your faith and obedience you will be blessed and will know how to be that support and "rock" JaNae needs. Each day will bring something new so it will definitely be a learning process....line upon line, precept upon precept. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family daily. You are a wondrful father and husband...always remember that. Keep your head up and stay strong.
    Love you guys,

  3. You probably feel helpless, but I'm sure if you asked JaNae, she'd say she's glad to have you with her. We sure wish we could be there with you guys. Love to the both of you and the kids

  4. Jeff, your post made me cry. I can't imagine how amazing this trial will make you two, you guys already have a huge dose of every way. My love and prayers are still with you.

  5. Wow - what a very cool post! We keep you in our prayers, but it has mainly been for JaNae. We need to include you more Jeff! Appreciate your example and thoughts.

  6. What a great support you are to your precious wife! Send her my love and let her know that I am following her status and keep sending my prayers heavenward!