Monday, August 27, 2012

I am up early this morning.....whether I like it or not.  I should have taken my magic "calm yourself down and here's to a really good night sleep" medicine, but as I went to bed last night I was SO tired and felt like I was above any medicine.  As you can tell...I am a slow learner, and not a big medicine gal....I hate swallowing a truckloads of pills ....even though they help me.  So, after the 4th time of waking up in a cold sweat in anticipation of treatments today, I threw in the towel and got up.  I am not sure I am ready for Round #4 (AGAIN), but it is here.  This free week that I was blessed with has been good.  It has been nice to remember what almost feeling better is like, even though my planned schedule will need some adjustments.   And as the children go back to school tomorrow, we have embraced and loved this last week of summer.  I am in awe of the thought of how fast it has gone, although in some moments I have felt like this summer (from *#@^) would never end.  The children are excited to see their friends and meet their teachers this afternoon when we arrive home from treatment.  I think it will be great to have the structure of a schedule, even though we will morn the freedom that summer gives us. 

This week has been a time of reflection, as an old friend of Jeff's who has been fighting cancer for the last two years, passed away and left a sweet wife and 5 children.  We were directed to his blog through a Facebook friend.  It has been bittersweet for Jeff to follow....He was good at giving me updates, and sharing the amazing faith building posts from this friend's wife, as at most times, I could not bear to read the blog.  They are an amazing family who I have never met, but admire and love.  My heart is breaking for the loss that they feel and will have to endure.  And my prayers are with them that they will continue to feel comfort and peace.

I also received a comment from a friend  of a friend in Jeff's last post, that caught me by surprise.  The last little while, I have ignored and lamented over this blog.  I feel like it has put me out there.....and though this blog has helped inform loved ones and friends of our journey, it is a little violating.  There have been days, that I can't even look or think about it, as it reminds me of the reality of this journey and makes me sick.  This journey that I want to run and hide from.....especially as I think of how long of a road that I still have in front of me.  This blog also creates some anxiety, in that I don't know who is peeking and being informed about my stupid butt cancer.  Anyway....This friend of a friend mentioned her 35 year old brother-in law's recent diagnosis of stage III colorectal cancer.  Hearing of others going through this cancer journey seriously makes  my chest hurt.  I want to take one for the team, and not have anyone else have to go through this.   I was surprised by her comment that this blog has helped her.....inappropriate and violating as this blog is....I am grateful that it has.  And I pray and wish for the best for her brother-in-law and their family. 

Cancer totally stinks....and is unfair....and I despise it....but through all of it I am thankful that I am not alone. How amazed I am at those who surround and lift me up.  I am thankful for my faith, my knowledge of a Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus the Christ...that through this trial I can cling to them and be comforted.  How grateful I am for the learning and growth that takes place in trials, as we are humbled and broken.  Growth that unfortunately can not be gained any other way, but that is sweet and beneficial.   

We'll keep the updates coming as we leave shortly for treatments.  And after the lack of sleep last night, I am happy to inform you that the "calm yourself down and here's to a really good night sleep" medicine that I was dumb enough to NOT take last night...will be enjoyed with my breakfast and help me survive the morning.  :)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Let's do drugs!... or not...

"Let's do drugs!"  That is that the smiling nurse at the cancer center says as she calls a patient's name and has them head to the back for their infusion.  It always kind of cracks me up.  JaNae and I got up yesterday, got ready, and made the dreaded drive to the cancer center in anticipation of her next treatment. She was in pretty good spirits and as I was driving through the morning rush hour traffic yelled "Drive it like you stole it!"

Anyway, as we were going through the process and getting her lab results, we were told that her liver enzymes were elevated and discussed with the doctor possible reasons why. One of the medications she recently started will be discontinued to see if it is the cause. The oncologist decided we needed to wait a week and recheck her liver before JaNae gets more chemo.  JaNae was so happy to have another week feeling well that she immediately announced that I'd be taking her (and the kids) out to lunch... which I did...  JaNae said it was just like getting a get out of jail free card.  We had a great day.


Friday, August 10, 2012

Trip away with the kids...

We had a great time on our trip and I know JaNae enjoyed some time alone with her mom.  Traveling with the kids was an adventure... and there are still french fries on the back seat of my truck.  JaNae is sleeping next to me right now I hope she is getting some rest... it's been 4 days since her infusion and she is still nauseated.  Last night she moved to the couch at 3am because she couldn't sleep...  She seems so peaceful right now, I hope is continues.  I can tell that she has a medicine head and is foggy from the medication she takes for the nausea.  I pray she will be feeling better tomorrow.  Here are a few photos from our trip.  Have a good night. -Jeff

Cousins on a hay bale.

We love mountain lakes...

He took his shirt off to show how brave he was next to the wasp nest...

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Jeff has been gently nudging/ totally bugging me to get a post pumped out.  I promised I would do it today....i have officially 30 minutes to get her done.  :) Nothing like a little procrastination.

This past week has been good.  I have felt well and am so thankful for the reprieve that I enjoy on the off weeks between treatments.  Thursday Jeff took the kids to the Ranch in Wyoming....their favorite place on this whole earth.  On the way, he dropped me off at my parents in favorite place on earth.  It was pretty much the best weekend ever for all parties.  I have missed Jeff and my little family, but was delighted to spend some time with my parents.  I love being in Twin as I always  run into and catch up with old friends who I love and make me feel loved. Mom and I were able to attend the Temple together and filled the rest of our days with sewing projects.  Dad spoiled us with dinner dates at our favorite restaurants.   I am sure that Jeff and the kids are not homesick and are having the time of their lives.  I have asked him to take lots of pictures to document and share.  Jeff may be a tad bit overwhelmed with keeping track of all 4 as they have plenty of room to run around like wild animals, but they are having some great adventures that the kids will remember and treasure...I giggled and had chest pains all at the same time over a message that he sent me.

In his own words....

We kept busy today.  I took the kids shooting, We caught some minnows, we went for a 4 wheeler ride, Wyatt is mad that I won't build a fire to roast marshmallows but promised to do it tomorrow. Wes "accidentally" headbutted Wyatt and knocked out his other front tooth, as they were sharing the hammock....  Wes has a black eye from falling off the hammock... Whitney fed the squirrels then made cookies. Walker is mad you took his firecrackers.... He has killed several wasp nests and only got stung once. This was my day... I'm going to put kids to bed... Hope you have a great night. -Jeff

They will be home later in the week. Late this evening Mom and I drove back to Boise for my treatments that will be tomorrow.  It will be great to cross one more treatment off my list, but I honestly wanted to siphon gas out of her car so we wouldn't have to come back to reality.  She reminded me that she has a credit card, and that my evil plan would not work.  I am so happy she is here with me. I am a lucky girl to have her.  My hope for the infusion tomorrow is that I will be not be such a big, fat of tonight I am feeling tough and ready to kick some serious cancer butt!  Wish me luck!