Monday, August 27, 2012

I am up early this morning.....whether I like it or not.  I should have taken my magic "calm yourself down and here's to a really good night sleep" medicine, but as I went to bed last night I was SO tired and felt like I was above any medicine.  As you can tell...I am a slow learner, and not a big medicine gal....I hate swallowing a truckloads of pills ....even though they help me.  So, after the 4th time of waking up in a cold sweat in anticipation of treatments today, I threw in the towel and got up.  I am not sure I am ready for Round #4 (AGAIN), but it is here.  This free week that I was blessed with has been good.  It has been nice to remember what almost feeling better is like, even though my planned schedule will need some adjustments.   And as the children go back to school tomorrow, we have embraced and loved this last week of summer.  I am in awe of the thought of how fast it has gone, although in some moments I have felt like this summer (from *#@^) would never end.  The children are excited to see their friends and meet their teachers this afternoon when we arrive home from treatment.  I think it will be great to have the structure of a schedule, even though we will morn the freedom that summer gives us. 

This week has been a time of reflection, as an old friend of Jeff's who has been fighting cancer for the last two years, passed away and left a sweet wife and 5 children.  We were directed to his blog through a Facebook friend.  It has been bittersweet for Jeff to follow....He was good at giving me updates, and sharing the amazing faith building posts from this friend's wife, as at most times, I could not bear to read the blog.  They are an amazing family who I have never met, but admire and love.  My heart is breaking for the loss that they feel and will have to endure.  And my prayers are with them that they will continue to feel comfort and peace.

I also received a comment from a friend  of a friend in Jeff's last post, that caught me by surprise.  The last little while, I have ignored and lamented over this blog.  I feel like it has put me out there.....and though this blog has helped inform loved ones and friends of our journey, it is a little violating.  There have been days, that I can't even look or think about it, as it reminds me of the reality of this journey and makes me sick.  This journey that I want to run and hide from.....especially as I think of how long of a road that I still have in front of me.  This blog also creates some anxiety, in that I don't know who is peeking and being informed about my stupid butt cancer.  Anyway....This friend of a friend mentioned her 35 year old brother-in law's recent diagnosis of stage III colorectal cancer.  Hearing of others going through this cancer journey seriously makes  my chest hurt.  I want to take one for the team, and not have anyone else have to go through this.   I was surprised by her comment that this blog has helped her.....inappropriate and violating as this blog is....I am grateful that it has.  And I pray and wish for the best for her brother-in-law and their family. 

Cancer totally stinks....and is unfair....and I despise it....but through all of it I am thankful that I am not alone. How amazed I am at those who surround and lift me up.  I am thankful for my faith, my knowledge of a Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus the Christ...that through this trial I can cling to them and be comforted.  How grateful I am for the learning and growth that takes place in trials, as we are humbled and broken.  Growth that unfortunately can not be gained any other way, but that is sweet and beneficial.   


We'll keep the updates coming as we leave shortly for treatments.  And after the lack of sleep last night, I am happy to inform you that the "calm yourself down and here's to a really good night sleep" medicine that I was dumb enough to NOT take last night...will be enjoyed with my breakfast and help me survive the morning.  :)

6 comments:

  1. Good luck with the next round. Was that Trent and Angie Rasmussen you were talking about?

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  2. I admire your humility and strength! (even if you feel you don't have any, you do). I love you so much and hope we can see you guys soon. Give the kids hugs and kisses.

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  3. Once again........ I am in awe of your strength. BUT-----Could you please stop being so positive and taking things so well. Seriously, you're making me look really bad at the Eddie household. Whenever I start to whine and complain- Cam gives me that look; and says things could be harder and think about what JaNae is going through. : ) You're seriously the best. Keep doing as great as you are. Tell Whitney good luck with school and orchestra ( if that's what she decided to do) Also Ashton is missing his Wyatt. If you guys are planning on coming home anytime soon- let me know. We would love to steal him for the day.

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  4. It's got to make you feel pretty vulnerable to write down everything that's going on with you and your situation right now. But I, for one, am strengthened by your story. I wish so much that I had written more during my stuff. I relate to everything you say. So even though writing is hard, I hope you know that there really are so many people that are benefitting from it! You're awesome and I think about you tons...

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  5. JaNae and Jeff, I am so grateful for you and that you are sharing your story with us! You inspire me and strengthen me every time I read it! Your faith gives me hope in my everday struggles. You are an example of strength, faith, and hope to everyone who reads your blog. Your testimonies will help others. Stay strong..you are always in our prayers! We love you and miss you and your family

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  6. Thanks you for the well wishes for my brother-in-law. He is doing well and keeping his spirits high.

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