I am up early this morning.....whether I like it or not. I should have taken my magic "calm yourself down and here's to a really good night sleep" medicine, but as I went to bed last night I was SO tired and felt like I was above any medicine. As you can tell...I am a slow learner, and not a big medicine gal....I hate swallowing a truckloads of pills ....even though they help me. So, after the 4th time of waking up in a cold sweat in anticipation of treatments today, I threw in the towel and got up. I am not sure I am ready for Round #4 (AGAIN), but it is here. This free week that I was blessed with has been good. It has been nice to remember what almost feeling better is like, even though my planned schedule will need some adjustments. And as the children go back to school tomorrow, we have embraced and loved this last week of summer. I am in awe of the thought of how fast it has gone, although in some moments I have felt like this summer (from *#@^) would never end. The children are excited to see their friends and meet their teachers this afternoon when we arrive home from treatment. I think it will be great to have the structure of a schedule, even though we will morn the freedom that summer gives us.
This week has been a time of reflection, as an old friend of Jeff's who has been fighting cancer for the last two years, passed away and left a sweet wife and 5 children. We were directed to his blog through a Facebook friend. It has been bittersweet for Jeff to follow....He was good at giving me updates, and sharing the amazing faith building posts from this friend's wife, as at most times, I could not bear to read the blog. They are an amazing family who I have never met, but admire and love. My heart is breaking for the loss that they feel and will have to endure. And my prayers are with them that they will continue to feel comfort and peace.
I also received a comment from a friend of a friend in Jeff's last post, that caught me by surprise. The last little while, I have ignored and lamented over this blog. I feel like it has put me out there.....and though this blog has helped inform loved ones and friends of our journey, it is a little violating. There have been days, that I can't even look or think about it, as it reminds me of the reality of this journey and makes me sick. This journey that I want to run and hide from.....especially as I think of how long of a road that I still have in front of me. This blog also creates some anxiety, in that I don't know who is peeking and being informed about my stupid butt cancer. Anyway....This friend of a friend mentioned her 35 year old brother-in law's recent diagnosis of stage III colorectal cancer. Hearing of others going through this cancer journey seriously makes my chest hurt. I want to take one for the team, and not have anyone else have to go through this. I was surprised by her comment that this blog has helped her.....inappropriate and violating as this blog is....I am grateful that it has. And I pray and wish for the best for her brother-in-law and their family.
Cancer totally stinks....and is unfair....and I despise it....but
through all of it I am thankful that I am not alone. How amazed I am at those who surround and lift me up. I am thankful for
my faith, my knowledge of a Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus the Christ...that through this trial I
can cling to them and be comforted. How grateful I am for the learning and
growth that takes place in trials, as we are humbled and broken. Growth that unfortunately can not be gained any other way, but that is sweet and beneficial.
We'll keep the updates coming as we leave shortly for treatments. And after the lack of sleep last night, I am happy to inform you that the "calm yourself down and here's to a really good night sleep" medicine that I was dumb enough to NOT take last night...will be enjoyed with my breakfast and help me survive the morning. :)